Adjusting and the Reality of Coming Home

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I think it is important to write a bit on the realities of adopting a 9-month old. I think everyone has this fairy tale image of a baby needing a home, a family wanting said baby, and a blissful unity. We think that the baby and family will be happily together and will have joy in bounds. The truth of the matter is, Luci already had a home. She already had a family with loving foster parents. She had routines, a secure environment, and everything she needed. True - this couldn't last because a pre-adoption foster home is temporary - an infant can't rationalize that. All she knows is that one day she has an Omma and Appa (mom and dad) that shower her with love and the next she's in a strange new home with strange new people speaking a strange new language and no Omma when she needs her. These little ones then go through a grieving process for that lost world and the loss of Omma. It is heartbreaking.

A friend of mine commented on this, relating it to his 24 years in the military. He said, "she'll have to break down for you to build her back up in your family". He's right. And so that's where we are right now. Luci will play and be cheerful while she's well rested, but when she's tired, she wants Omma.

The first night was the roughest. Her little body told her it was daytime and not time for sleep. She wailed and screamed as we walked the house, and it was obvious she was looking everywhere for Mrs. Kim. We tried laying on the bed (we now sleep in the floor of the living room) but that wouldn't work. Finally I told Heather we might as well be up since everyone was awake anyway. Bingo! It was playtime - out come the toys and out came the smiles and baby babble! Here's shot of that 2:00 AM bonding time that other families blog about (and we used to laught about).



Everybody got about 3 hours of fitfull sleep that first night. The next day, we were able to keep Luci awake most of the day with intermittent naps. It was sunny, and her mind told her to be awake but her body said sleep. It was kind of funny to see her fighting it while she played with us. Heather has learned to multitask with baby on her back, and Luci is quite content to let her work while she rides. The plan worked, and she actually stayed asleep for nearly 8 hours that night. She wakes up in a great mood - she'll play in between Heather and I for nearly an hour. She woke me up by kicking me in the throat (best kick to the throat I've ever had).


Yesterday was kind of tough. If we were having a bit of a honeymoon period, it is over. In between fun little play sessions, Luci gets pretty sad acting. She mopes and fusses. It hurts to see her hurting and not be able to do much about it. On the upside, she wants to stay attached to Heather - we hope this is a sign of attachment. I'll share a few pictures of happier times (as much for my own sake as for our blog followers) as we play with toys, eat strawberries and banannas (Cleo's favorite interaction - look in the background), and eat Grandpa Bill's blueberry muffins.






And that's about the size of it. She is adjusting, but the process doesn't happen overnight. She misses Mrs. Kim a ton, but seems to be at least a little comforted by us. She plays and cheers and 'walks' while holding on to furniture or our hands, but then gets sad again when something from her former home crosses her mind. She's our beautiful little angel and we pray that she feels our love and finds comfort and adjustment quickly.